What About This?

By Wayne William Cipriano

We started the Christmas Movie Rotation early this year what with one thing and another. We still do not have a copy of the Christmas-Carol like movie that we like the most; maybe we will have it by next year.

When I wrote about the Rotation last year, I mentioned that there was a picture I thought might make the Rotation, but I wasn’t sure until a year had passed, and we watched it again. Well, a year has passed, we re-watched it, and we both agree it goes in.

The flick is LOVE ACTUALLY. It is R Rated. The language in it was not part of my vocabulary until I was ten or eleven years old, and some of the situations were beyond my understanding until I was, say, thirteen or so (I was a pretty slow kid). So, this is not a movie for the very young. It is a British film, and the Brits don’t seem to be as frightened about language, our bodies, and physical relationships as we portray ourselves to be.

I’m guessing that all women who can age-qualify to watch an R-Rated movie will like LOVE ACTUALLY, most will love it. And while guys may adopt a bored attitude while watching it, there are several times when we’ll catch ourselves rooting for a character just as we would for a sports team.

The rest of the Rotation went as expected since we watch the same films every year. I noticed something this year that I had not noticed before as we again watched HOME ALONE. Maybe it is my imagination, but I could swear that I’ve seen a version of HOME ALONE where the lead, Macaulay Culkin, is taking care of his morning ablations as he has watched his father do. He combs his hair with a great deal of gel, applies a spray underarm deodorant, and, I am almost positive, uses a safety razor and shaves. Of course, he has no beard and the razor, in the version that I think I’ve seen, abrades his young face just enough to sensitize it to the sting of the Brut cologne he splashes on. His eyes get huge, his hands stay pressed to his face, and he emits a piercing yell.

Without the shaving sequence the yell after the application of the Brut doesn’t make as much sense and is not nearly as funny. I assume, if I haven’t imagined the shave and it was actually deleted from the copy of the film that we own, it was removed so that kids seeing the movie would not be tempted to imitate Culkin and try out Dad’s razor. 

I suppose I understand that removal, but, you know, kids have been watching dads shave for thousands of years and, well, you can finish that sentence yourself. I’m all for protecting children from foolishly imitating grownups when their health and safety might be at risk, but, geez Louise, isn’t that going a little overboard?

Then again, when bottles of bleach come with a warning on the label advising us not to drink it, maybe the avalanche of stupidity that seems to be engulfing our civilization as time goes by requires wrapping us in the cotton batting of idiocy protection “for our own good”?

Moving right along, Renee’ and Ryan suggested adding DIE HARD to the Rotation because it takes place during Christmas Season. I’d like to do that because I really like the film. But then what about DIE HARD II which also takes place during Christmas? Should we agree to add it as well? As Rosalie said, it is just as exciting.

Thus, the question “What does a movie have to have besides the proper calendar position to qualify for the Rotation?” is asked. And we just do not know the answer. But, as a Supreme Court Associate Justice once said in a completely different context, we will know it when we see it.

By the way, put on a mask so you don’t give me Covid-19!