By Wayne William Cipriano
I had planned to reveal here the secret information I discovered regarding what really happened to Jimmy Hoffa despite the threats and impervious to the bribes I have encountered; the people deserve to know what actually took place. However, I have been convinced by the requests of many Douglas County Herald readers, some even on bended knee, to write instead of my continuing program to rid our place of musk thistles.
My neighbor has on several occasions remarked that while slashing at this vegetation with a machete is soul-satisfying, unless I both destroy the seed heads and uproot the plants, I am doomed to a never-ending battle.
Yes, I remember Franklin’s “stitch in time saves nine” but did not he also say “the lazy man finishes early and can go to the house, watch the game on TV and drink a beer” ? Or, something along those lines? Maybe it was Confucius?
Anyway, I finally copped last year, popped off the seed heads, placing them in shopping bags for later destruction, and pulled each plant out of the ground. It took almost four full days of work and filled 18 or 19 bags.
This year I returned to the battle pledging to pop heads and rip roots again. The incessant rains held me up for a week or so. I noticed a small number of seed heads had already released, but the rain made pulling up the plants very easy, and so my tardiness was a push.
Instead of four days, it only took me one day and four hours. Where I collected many bags of seed heads last year, this year only 1 ½ bags. Always one to heed Dr. Strangelove’s General Buck Turgidson who you will remember “hated to judge before all the facts are in”, I am nevertheless very hopeful that this physical eradication plan is going to work.
Our friends at the Soil and Water office and FSA tell me that the two-year life cycle of the musk thistle can still pitch me a curve, so I am waiting until next year to celebrate but as I say, I’m hopeful.
While I was writing this, certain powerful interests have increased the bribe they offered me to keep silent about the missing union official from $25 to $50. I remain firm that my journalistic integrity is not for sale – unless the $75 level is reached, and unless that happens the mystery of Jimmy Hoffa will be solved right here, next week.
Negotiations are continuing.