By Wayne William Cipriano
Is a promise more powerful than a New Year Resolution? I made both.
It’s all about these slippers. Evidently, there will be no Peace on Earth, or Good Will Toward this particular man, until they go. (No, Walter, not the Pink Bunny Slippers, these predate those by years.)
It has taken a long time to break them in just right. Sure, as you would expect, they show a bit of wear but the combination of staples and duct tape has been so carefully applied that the slippers are actually better than new (and the reflective backing of the tape makes them much easier to find).
But, a promise is a promise, and who wants to be the first one in the family to break a New Year Resolution? So, the Magic Slippers are to be ceremoniously incinerated on New Year’s Day, before the first football game, or else.
I’m going to miss them immediately as I always wear them while watching football on television. Due to the holes in the bottoms of both slippers (covered but not waterproofed by cutout foot shapes from old pizza boxes) you cannot go outside even a little when it is raining, snowing, dewy or otherwise inclement because on your return to the kitchen you leave little wet circles on the floor, and well, you know how that tune goes.
So, wearing the Magic Slippers while watching football often protect one from “honey do” requests during the game.
Of course, it’s more than just about ducking household chores. It is the comfort of two old friends as they fit everywhere just right. And, they even give a guy a reason to shuttle around the house dragging the slippers like all the old dudes do: the backs of the slippers went out about the same time the last Republican administration did.
I wonder…if I spray paint them a nice camo pattern and put one of those air freshener pine trees you hang on the rear-view mirror of a car in each slipper, would Rosalie catch on?
I don’t know, that’s probably not a risk worth taking.